“Then Pilate turned Jesus over to them to be crucified.”
John 19:16 NLT
For many years my instinctive reaction to being misunderstood was to launch into a robust justification of myself. Not so Jesus. He was despised and rejected and here betrayed and condemned. His close followers abandoned him and he stood alone before the might of the state and religious authorities. I know if it had been a younger me I couldn’t have helped defending myself while angered by the injustice.
Reflecting on life I now know that self-justification is primarily the response of a wounded heart. It is a deeply felt need to excuse my own behaviour and resist the narratives placed upon it by others. I would start calmly enough yet the volume and intensity of my defence quickly rose, designed to flatten my critics even if I failed to persuade them. I left these encounters angry and with increased amounts of self-doubt.
This has been a great battle for me. I have projected who I wanted to be onto the world’s stage and have been surprised and angered by the honest critique colleagues and friends have given it. Only as I accepted this bruising was to my own imagined phantom was I freed to concentrate on discovering who I truly was.
Words still hurt, of course, and yes, I continue to suffer misrepresentation, but I cannot influence how others choose to depict me, and they will have their clear reasons for so doing. I take comfort in knowing and being known by God, if at times confused by the path God requires of me since I do not relish what appears its ignominy and pain. I guess that’s obedience.
QUESTION
To what extent are you wrestling with the perceptions of others?
PRAYER
Lord, teach me to be confident in my identity in Christ