“After leaving Marah, the Israelites traveled on to the oasis of Elim, where they found twelve springs and seventy palm trees. They camped there beside the water.”
Exodus 15:26 NLT
When Katey died, it was a moment of great stillness and beauty. It was also the start of a fresh season of grief, the intensity of which took me by surprise, since we had known for years that this was the end game we faced. Grief, unique to each individual, slowed me down. I tired easily, had minimal concentration and lost all sense of time. Those who visited and called were both present and distant, for to this day I cannot remember engaging with them.
This shadowland I had entered was another wilderness to navigate. I didn’t know what I wanted, only that I had to get through each day as it happened. I knew God in the heart of this wilderness and started a fresh journey of listening and responding, although for a year it was listening in the main; my capacity to respond was shot. I was an empty shell, disorientated, confused and uncertain. I recall making a personal day retreat on the anniversary of Katey’s death and here I found something within me rising in response to God; this was my ‘Elim’, a shaded oasis to rest awhile and draw strength. Here I said yes to God’s call to explore the way of the hermit, although I knew little of what the word or the call entailed. I was just grateful to discern God’s voice.
For some weeks I moved out of the shadowlands. Everything hit me with a fresh intensity; the warmth of the autumn sunshine, the colours of the ripe berries in the trees, the bright hues of the sky and the crispness of the air. I became present to life and the world once more. I felt alive, more alive than I had ever felt.
QUESTION
Where is your oasis, your place to gather strength and hear God speak?
PRAYER
Lord, lead me beside still waters that my soul can be renewed in you.